Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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