oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Randomize
