My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
