i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
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