Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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