so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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