We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
