I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
