Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
