I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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