Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
