i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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