so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
