Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
