i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
