Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
