Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
