trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
