I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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