i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
