I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I believe in your delicious
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
