the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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