Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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