I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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