rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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