Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
