just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
