It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
