I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Randomize
