Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
