Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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