Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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