I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
