Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
lol hangovers are for mortals.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Randomize
