I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
