Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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