Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
