Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
