Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
