And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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