What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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