His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Someone signed my nipple.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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