dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
