Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Dick very happy bro
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize