what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
