Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
