i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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