Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
