people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Randomize
