you're like a bully in the Christmas story
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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