Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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