It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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