Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
