My room smells like vodka and shame
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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