Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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