Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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