He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
