I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
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