tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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