He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
