I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
