Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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