Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
