I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I see more hoeing in ur future
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