oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize