Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
