i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
