so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize