Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
