just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
