A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Randomize
