new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
