happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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