When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
