Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize