Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
