My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
