Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize