We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
