16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
