I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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