I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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