I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
