Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
