You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
