I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
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